I'm conflicted about this.

Wasn't the media just lying in wait for the girl to screw up and cross the very fine line between contemporary and provocative?

"Vanity Fair wants to sell magazines," one newswoman says.

"Exactly right," another newswoman says,

"Yeah, true," I say. "But, no more than you want higher viewer ratings and are deliberately competing with Entertainment Tonight."

Seems everyone wants to capitalize on Miley's misstep - the news stations, the newspapers are all feeding on the story like ratings-hungry wolves.

I find that just as girl-exploitive as the actual photographs.

Miley has apologized and so has Annie Lebowitz, who shot the photo.

What are you thinking about this?

Don't miss the Mom's Blogging Carnival over at Dance of Motherhood.

Throughout the school year Ainsley has harassed me nearly every day for a Lunchable or a tray.

For most of the year she got a whole wheat ham sandwich, a fruit or vegetable and a juice box.

I find my daughter is one of the very few kids who bring a lunch. Some parents are assisted with the free lunch program, some buy their Lunchables with food stamps. Some simply make more money than we do and can absorb the cost easier. Some parents just gave up and found the $35 a month to pay for the school lunch tray to never have this loathsome conversation again. One month's worth of Maxed Out Lunchable is $60.

Upon examination she claimed it was the drink powder and the piece of candy that made her desperate for the Lunchable.

I went for the homemade lunchable.

Box of crackers, block of cheese, a crucial misstep with cheap salami instead of ham, FulFill powder tube, refillable thermos and tupperware and some fruit.

Is she satisfied?

Of course not.

Her desire for Lunchables has nothing to do with the sub-par food that fills the boxes. It has to do with the packaging itself. The packaging is a Kindergarten status symbol - like designer jeans.

She's the kid who's Mom erroneously believes she can substitute the real status symbol with a cheap imitation. All the other children probably pity her.

But, doesn't that build character?

I am very happy to award JessLeigh a copy of A New Earth. The Bloggy Giveaway was much fun and I think all my entrants for visiting So Sioux Me.

I hope you'll bookmark this page and come back often. Sign up for the RSS feed or the email subscription in the left sidebar. Sift through the contents, I'm sure you'll find something you like.

If you're dying to get your hands on this book, feel free to order it from this link: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club, Selection 61).

JessLeigh, please contact me at traceesioux at yahoo.com with your mailing address. Congratulations.

Every time a woman breaks a barrier it opens doors for all girls.

Congratulations Danica Patrick!

I'm giving away another copy of A New Earth via the Bloggy Giveaway.

Mother's Day is coming, and what better gift than to acknowledge she's more than "just your mother?"

Last night Eckhart and Oprah touched on the idea that attaching worry (anxiety, anger) to our goals will defeat them. But if we can learn to stay centered in our core self and unattached to the outcome we will have access to divine power.

I've been struggling with this issue and the mission of So Sioux Me to empower girls.

I want to inspire parents to be able to take empowering action for their daughters and especially to teach our daughters to take action for themselves.

Yet, if what you focus on expands and taking ego-centered, surface action against something only makes what you are against into bigger problems then how do I complete my God-inspired mission?

The woman from the Bodi-Tree in California asked a relevant question in regards to pursuing her mission to create a green environment.

It's a little confusing and I have difficulty articulating the complex spiritual aspects of this so I'll use an example:

- Take the war on drugs and the war against poverty, which have served to expand the drug problem and the poverty problem. The last thing I want to do is make the beauty ideal narrower, increase gender bias or further sexualize girls.

Obviously, through So Sioux Me, I want to encourage positive action and not expand the problems I aim to solve.

Because it is a new skill and a new approach, I've likely taken a wrong step or two - especially during those moments when I've reacted with indignant and shocked outrage - yesterday's Gossip Girl story might serve as an example of indignant outrage that may not be effective. From what I understand, it's the emotional indignation and shocked outrage that will defeat our cause.

Rest assured - I am doing my best to operate from my core sense of self and my core sense of The Divine and of consciousness. I do meditate and pray quite often about my mission to empower girls and parents of girls on So Sioux Me.

Rather than fight anything my divinely-inspired missions are to expand the beauty ideal, provide powerful action steps, validate parents' instincts when confronting media and marketing, expand all possibilities for girls, encourage women and girls to grow a self esteem and positive self image, educate about sexualization is and how to approach desexualization of girls, encourage responsibility and even legislation that require and allow healthy boundaries necessary for childhood.

Leave a comment about So Sioux Me's mission or A New Earth and you're entered to win a copy of A New Earth. It might change your life. I'll draw a NAME (no anonymous entries) on Friday.

This is Gossip Girl's new ad campaign. The only action I took was to open my email - And I am confronted with images of undressed teenagers in sexual positions. The pop up was strategically placed over my check mail buttons so I had no choice but to scroll over. Scrolling over runs a short soft porn movie featuring teenage kids.

The ad is marketing directly to tweens and teens (and likely DVRed by members of Nambla and other pedophiles) as the hip sex opera for KIDS, Gossip Girl.

We're not talking about "censorship" of the Playboy Channel here. We're talking about putting restrictions on what sexual positions the media is allowed to portray children in and how they are allowed to market it. And by sexual positions, I mean, are we to allow teens to be portrayed in doggy style in marketing before we finally get pissed enough to shout NO!

It gets worse. They aren't even having to pay for all the advertising. I got this widget by following the lures to get teenagers to post this on their own email, personal sites and blogs. Getting children to exploit themselves by posting free advertising that exploits and cheapens their sexuality is WRONG.

If you'll recall I had an issue with Gossip Girl editing a rape scene together with a consensual sex scene, effectively blurring the line between yes and no - glamorizing and romanticizing rape for their teenage audience. I cancelled the CW shortly after. But, they found me. As I'm sure they are finding all kids - regardless of parental attempts to shield our children from adult content. It's email - how many kids, tweens and teens get email?

This is unacceptable. One of the only tools we have is parental outrage.

Please join me in writing a letter to CBS - The CW's parent company - and express your disappointment and outrage in their marketing strategy for Gossip Girl. (click on "feedback" button in right sidebar).

Gossip Girl and R-A-P-E
When is R-A-P-E Hot?

Because I was unable to attend the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood's Sixth Annual Summit in Boston I have invited a guest poster to fill us in.

Lisa Ray, founder of Parents for Ethical Marketing and author of Corporate Babysitter has been kind enough to write this post for So Sioux Me to help us understand what sexualization of girls is costing us and what we can do about it. Thank you Lisa.

Not a day goes by that an example of the new sexualized childhood doesn’t rear its ugly head. This week, the U.K. is up in arms over a plunging, defining sexualization – when a person is sexually objectified and not seen as a whole person. The APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls identifies sexualization of girls by this criteria:

* a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics; or

* a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy; or

* sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.

Sexualization is not about sex.

And the problem is not that children are learning about sex when they are young. Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne’s presentation, based on their upcoming book So Sexy So Soon: the New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids, suggests that children are being robbed of positive, age-appropriate experiences and are instead learning to treat themselves and others as objects. Kids are exposed to – and mimicking – highly sexualized behavior long before they are able to understand and appreciate what a healthy sexual relationship means. Girls learn narrow definitions of gender and that their value is based on how well they meet a sexualized ideal.

The world of the sexualized child has reached into pornography, as we learned from Gail Danes, co-author of Pornography: The Production and Consumption of Inequality. She discussed the prevalence of “teen porn” (using models who appear younger than 18) and the explosion of pornography on the internet, saying that “soft porn” has moved from adult magazines into marketing and advertising.

One of the primary messages of the Summit was that the sexualization of children is becoming a more integrated aspect of our culture. Since it’s out there more, we see it less. It’s becoming an accepted part of our lives and our kids’ lives. Parents complain about the clothing choices available for young girls, yet stores continue to sell them because parents continue to buy them.

What to do? Two solutions that were repeated by multiple presenters and attendees are:

* Ban advertising to children (age cutoffs range from eight to twelve); and

* Talk to kids about healthy sexual relationships, including a robust sexual education curriculum in schools.

The beauty of the CCFC Summit was the number of committed people attending who will continue to work against childhood sexualization. Levin and Kilbourne noted that we need to work together to “create a society that supports the healthy sexual development of children and that limits the ability of corporations to use sex to sell to them.”

Visit Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

Visit Corporate Babysitter

Visit Parents for Ethical Marketing

by Tracee Sioux

Mom, what were you and Olivia's mom talking about on the phone.

What did she say?

She said, did your mom tell you abut the neighbor?

I said, I don't know. But that's all.

You know the new neighbors?

Yeah.

The man was once in jail for hurting a little girl.

OH.

Remember our "don't knows" and "kinda knows" from the Safety Rules?

Yeah.

He is a "Don't Know." We don't go in his yard, we don't go in his house, we don't talk to him or chat with him or hang out with him. We are never alone with him and we don't get in his car. He's always going to be a Don't Know.

Me and Olivia and Holly should be very careful around him. We shouldn't ever go in his house.

That's true. If he's in his backyard while you are in the backyard you don't need to talk to him. Ignore him or come in the house. And if you go play at the other girls' houses then you have to tell me where you are and you must be back in time so I know you are safe. I want you to always remember the Safety Rules.

I have found having a common language, provided by the Stranger Safety video, to be invaluable in describing our safety rules. I highly recommend getting the video and periodically watching it with your kids.

by Tracee Sioux

Hey Tracee, my neighbor said over the phone.

Hey, how's it going? I asked.

What's your address?

706 Walnut Grove.

That's what I thought. My friend just called me and said she said there is a a sex offender living at 708 Walnut Grove.

The new neighbor next door to me? Damn it, I looked it up before we bought this house.

Well, you never know who will move in.

Do you know who he is or what he did?

No, maybe he was really young. Maybe it was his girlfriend or something.

I'll look it up tonight and see who and when and I'll call you tomorrow.

According to the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Registry my new next door neighbor, with whom we share a fence, is a sex offender. His was convicted of first degree sexual assault against a 9-year-old girl. He served one year in juvenile detention.

My feelings about it would be less conflicted, except he was only 13 or 14. He's only 19 now. But the gossip on the street is that the men in his family have a history of getting arrested for domestic violence and that his step-brother "accidentally" got hung by a noose.

I can't help feeling compassion for someone making a mistake as a child and being held accountable for it for the rest of their life. Is that fair?

At the same time, I have researched the statistics and the recidivism rate - the likelihood for repeated offenses - in sex offenders is very high. It is also true that statistically, adult perpetrators start perpetrating when they are young teens.

Our options are limited.

It's really a matter of what kind of prison I want to make my own kids live in. I can't control his interaction in the neighborhood or restrict his freedom of movement. In our last neighborhood - not a good one with multiple sex offenders - the children were basically prisoners, unallowed to play in their own yards without direct supervision. It was depressing and sad - I hated it.

This is depressing and sad.

Do we have to stop letting my children play outside in their own back yard to protect them from a potential sexual deviant across the chain-link fence?

If I do nothing, and hope it was a childhood mistake, and continue to let my daughter play on the street with the other kids her age, will we look like an incompetent parents if we end up on Dr. Phil because we were wrong?

Teen Violence and Sex Offender Statistics

Sex Offender Information
Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Registry Link

I am not my roles: I am not a writer, that's something I do. Though it is the purpose of my working life, an advocate for girls is not the essence of who I am. I am not my house, my car or my family. I am not mother, daughter, sister or wife - those are labels for relationships I play with other I AMs. I am not my income tax returns or my savings account. I am not even Tracee Sioux.

I AM - Jesus said it, Eckhart Tolle and Oprah said it last night. I echo I AM .

I get it. I get it more and more over the last few years of my own spiritual awakening. It's a shame it's so difficult to articulate.

Do you know who you are?

The other day I was volunteering at Ainsley's school for the book fair.

The music teacher came out of his classroom just to speak to me.

"Ainsley is such a leader. She always listens and follows directions. She remembers the words to songs and helps the other kids. She's a great student and we're so glad to have her at our school. You did a great job with her."

Imagine the clownish grin spreading across my face.

Perhaps you noticed that your daughter has both a vagina and a uterus when she was born?

Oddly, this causes discomfort in some parents.

I admit to some discomfort in myself when I deal with rashes, itchy or irritation in the general area. As our daughters get older the issues surrounding their feminine organs and parts becomes more complicated. As far as parental discomfort regarding these reproductive issues - it's time to get over it.

Jeanne Connor Dessert has suffered from endometriosis since she was a young teenager. She currently runs a support group for women with endometriosis and she has some fantastic advice to parents of daughters.

I’m 39 years old and my endometriosis symptoms began at age 13. I was not properly diagnosed, however, until the age of 23.

I would like to make all parents of girls out there aware that endometriosis is a serious illness and that symptoms should not be overlooked, marginalized, or viewed as “in a girl’s head”.

Endometriosis is a very real illness that affects an estimated 80 million patients worldwide. Society has taught women and girls that menstrual pain is “normal”. It is not. Endo has a wide variety of symptoms. Cramps are just one of a great many. click on Endometriosis Association “what is it?” for a complete list of symptoms.

The important point I’d like to make is that if you think there’s any chance your daughter is having endo symptoms… I urge you to take it seriously, have her seen by a highly skilled gynecologist highly trained in recognizing and surgically removing endometriosis, and advocate for your daughter. This illness can cause pain (sometimes debilitatating and disabling), infertility, less commonly it can cause bowel obstruction. The list goes on. Endo patients are also at an increased risk for ovarian cancer, melanoma, and breast cancer.

If you have endo in your family (which some people do have family history without even knowing it due to societal “taboos” regarding talking about reproductive organs and menstruation), then your daughter has a higher risk of developing endo. I urge parents to learn the basics about endo. If your daughter has it, you want to be proactive, have her see a properly qualified gynecologist, and not ignore her symptoms. Empower your girls to obtain appropriate health care and not be cast aside by a health care system that isn’t doing all it should for endo patients.

Also, the research dollars for endo have historically been far too limited and I do not think this is an accident. Since this illness affects women and girls, the research dollars are just not as available for it as they would be for an illness affecting both genders.

I write the word Girl a lot on this blog.

Tragically, Google and Amazon's robots interpret the word "girl" to be synonymous with "porn". I've stopped using various advertising programs from both companies because of ads for buying a Mexican bride (Google), Girls Gone Wild videos (Amazon), and viewing photos of "young girls in thongs" (Google). Neither company offers a "family friendly" option they said when I wrote them.

How about an option that doesn't sell half the population like a consumable product?

If we consume the half of the population that will also mother the population - where does that leave society?

Parenting magazines should be renamed, 1,000 Ways to Accidentally Kill Your Kids.

During my first pregnancy and Ainsley's babyhood I spent a great deal of time digesting all the information in parenting magazines and books.

This habit was a contributing factor to my post-partum depression.

Here's the problem, in the exact same issue they include conflicting information and either way you're screwed:

One article says you should make your child wash their hands 10 times throughout the day to prevent illness. If you're making your kids wash their hands before bed, after high-fives and 8 other times during the day you're making your kid and yourself neurotic.

Flip the page and there is a story on the surge in childhood diabetes. Researchers are looking at extreme cleanliness as an environmental cause.

Oh, you mean like washing their hands 10 times a day to prevent a cold? We're trading a cold for diabetes?

We also have these gems:

* Checking to make sure there are no stray hairs around their fingers and toes every time you change them. Apparently one child in Canada almost lost a toe due to a hair being wrapped around it tightly.

* Getting early intervention services for autism - even if your doctor thinks he's fine.

* Dark meat, turns out is good for kids. (Last year white was best.)

* No riding on ATVs because doctors have seen injuries.

* No more peanut butter cause other kids are allergic.

* The wrong size soccer cleats might cause your kid to lose a toenail.

* Daycare for the under 3 month baby prevents asthma. (Last week it caused RSV.)

* No amount of lead is okay now. Even if it's not deadly, it will make them stupid. Go get another blood test and spend thousands figuring out where it's coming from and getting your 1950s house treated. Forget that millions of people walking around the planet practically ate, breathed and bathed in the stuff and are just fine.

* Fat will give the heart disease in their 20s. 40% of fat kids' parents think they're normal, beware you might be one of them.

* Childproofing items are dangerous: outlet covers will choke them (chose between death by electricity or choking); bathtub safety seats caused drowning; wipes warmers start fires and electrocute people; seat belt positioners aren't good, now 8-year-olds need booster seats; bed rails to prevent falling out could kill them; sleep positioners to prevent SIDS could suffocate them; Ipecac will prevent poisoning, but could kill them anyway; baby rearview mirrors might help you, but become a flying object to injure you in a crash, crib bumpers to prevent their heads getting stuck between slats will suffocate them.

When you read the statistics they have to justify their preventative advice it's always like 18 kids in the last 20 years. Which, when you consider how many kids there are on the planet - millions - it isn't really alarming enough to justify changing your lifestyle.

Now that you're good and freaked about all the ways there are to kill/mame/or damage your children, turn the page and there's an accusation that parents are too paranoid to allow their boys to play freely, offering up too much supervision not enough free play and being weird about naturally aggressive wrestling/fighting play.

Gee, I wonder why parents are paranoid?

Last night's A New Earth Oprah and Eckhart Tolle Webcast was great. I would add a few more tangible suggestions that I've found helpful in overcoming the pain body issues.

Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is the physical tapping and releasing emotional pain from our bodies through pressure points.

I spent over an hour directly addressing one of my own issues through tapping last week.

What was interesting about the experience was that when I dealt with one feeling surrounding my issue, I found another beneath it. Then another, then another, then another. First there was numbness, then anger, then guilt, then shame, then humiliation, then powerlessness, then shame again, then unworthiness, then fear - you get the picture. The issue turned out to be much more complex than I thought. It was like pressing rewind on my life and seeing how my feelings about one event led to another event and distorted the feelings around that.

Go to Tapping.com to watch many FREE tapping videos that address many emotions. Decide your done with these emotions and then get rid of them.

Ho'oponopono is the concept that you can heal any emotion in three steps: I'm Sorry, I Forgive You, I Love You. Simply thinking about a negative situation or feeling and picturing yourself, and who ever is in the memory with you, and repeating I'm sorry, I forgive you, I love you can release the hold it has on your life.

I'll be on Body Wonders Radio, Inspiration for Transformation tonight discussing law of attraction with Jeff Howard. We'll be talking about methods to release issues holding us back, like the pain body.

I've been participating in Jeff Howard's 5 week course Attraction Mastery Teleseminar Series and I've been learning so much. It's been so insightful, I've been listening to the recordings over and over.

So far I've learned about happiness from Marci Shimoff, author of Happy for No Reason and Chicken Soup for the Soul for Women, David Childerly, a leading tapping expert.

Next week, Joe Vitale, author of Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More teaching the ho'oponopono method will be on a live call with Jeff Howard on Wednesday night. He's inviting people to listen to this interview free, just click here to register.

I felt, after 6 years of free haircuts from NaNa, that $10 was an appropriate amount to spend for a first salon haircut.

After recently getting my own hair makeover, my daughter expressed an interest in getting hers cut "just like mine."

Aware that a daughter's desire to be "just like Mommy" is fleeting, I jumped at my chance.

I gave her highlights at home, while doing mine. (Of course, I wish mine had turned out as well as hers. The difference? I could see what I was doing on her hair. My own? I overbleached my bangs to a bad white, tried to cover it with a cotton candy pink, I had on hand from last year, that didn't take. I had to wait till payday and color a solid brown and then bleach again.)

There is a story in the NY Times by Camille Sweeny about the trend for mothers to let their tweens get highlights. My friend Char from WearyParent is quoted.

Jezebel, of course, took issue with the fact that some children are being allowed to have highlights in a story titled, Bikini Waxes, Highlights & 'Tramp Stamps': That's what little girls are made of.

I take issue with the fact that a feminist magazine uses the derogatory term "tramp stamp" in reference to women who get tattooed. Connecting a tattoo with a woman's sexual promiscuity is like unto the old phrase, "she smokes, she pokes."

I also think it's a bit silly to equate hair color with a permanent tattoo. There is nothing permanent about hair, which makes it a harmless way to allow children, tweens and teens to experiment with their style, fashion or look and even rebellion. And the bikini wax - for starters, one is on their head which everyone sees and the other is . . . not. A bikini wax is also rather like torture, while a new haircolor is, well - fun.

I allow Ainsley highlights for one reason only - because it's fun.

Although I do agree with Jezebel, that the direct marketing to children by salons is messed up. I explain why I think so in this story, Girls For Sale.

Some of the hair professionals, in the NY Times story, advise infiltrating school and community functions where they have better access to young girls for their marketing. Gag me with a spoon.
Blond Ambition
Blond Ambition II
Beauty & Reality
Pink Hair Fiasco
Pink Hair Fiasco Take 2
Meaning of Hair

I've been asked to speak on a panel about girl issues at BlogHer.
I'm so thrilled to have been asked.
Of course, I accepted.
It's in July in San Franciscp.

I'l be in great company with Laurie Toby Edison from Body Impolitic as the moderator, and Glennia Campbell from The Silent I, Kimchi Mamas and Momocrats.

Mom! Victoria got a puppy from the Tooth Fairy! My six-year-old told me after a visit with her BFF.

Uh. The Tooth Fairy brings children money for teeth not puppies, I told her.

Nu uh. Victoria got a toy! I saw the puppy, she challenged.

A toy? Well, I think the Tooth Fairy brings money to our house, I explained, desperate to draw a boundary.

I'm writing her a note, says Ainsley.

We'll see, I say.

What is wrong with Victoria's Mom? I think. There have been generations of a common parental pact that says $1 in change is what a tooth is worth. What is this inflation? Divorce guilt? Competition with Daddy? I am not getting sucked into this trap.

Two weeks later, Ainsley wrestles with brother Zack. Out pops front tooth.

The Tooth Fairy is going to bring me a pink toy puppy! She informs me.

Why don't you call your daddy at work and tell him you lost a tooth, I say.

Daddy I lost a tooth and the tooth fair is going to bring me a toy!

What kind of toy?

A pink puppy.

Let me talk to him, I said. Whispering from the bathroom, She's writing a note. Are we going to fall for this?

I guess I'll pick up a pink dog on the way home.

Are we buying toys for teeth now and taking requests? I have a bad feeling about this.
An hour later he smuggles this giant pink poodle in.

Are you kidding?

It's the only pink poodle Walmart had.

What about the Dollar Store?

Closed.

What does she have, like 25 teeth? And she's gonna tell Zack, he's got 25 more. We can't keep this up! How much was that dog?

$7.

What the hell is wrong with Victoria's mom? Doesn't she know about the parental code of honor? I can't believe we fell for this crap, I say as he steals her tooth from her pillow.

I deeply apologize, we got suckered. I heard her tell the whole kindergarten class.

The existence of what Eckhart Tolle defines as a pain body is revolutionary and has more potential to heal than all the medicine in the world. I recently did a story on Blog Fabulous about how researchers have excluded women from their studies. They then medicate women with medications designed for men and wonder why they aren't very effective. It doesn't take a scientist to understand the flaw in this approach. Unfortunately the medical community leaves millions of women powerless in the face of their pain.

As someone who has experienced chronic pain and found medical treatment severely lacking both as a treatment and a cure I find tremendous power in Tolle's ideas about the pain body.

Take this example: As a teenager, very young with a self worth that was a -10 on a scale of 1 to 10, I had terrible, excruciating leg pain for a few years. Of course, I went to the doctor, lots of doctors. They and they prescribed pain killers.

I heard the theory that leg pain was associated with a feeling of being trapped, or of not having any freedom to get away from something. Which made a lot of sense as I, at the time of my pain, felt extremely trapped in a terribly abusive relationship. It was a very jealous and controlling boyfriend who constantly belittled, humiliated and often hit me with the intention of making me feel I was so worthless I had no where else to go. He would say vicious horrible things to me about my value to make me feel I had to stay with him.

When I gathered enough courage to leave him once and for all. My leg pain disappeared.

The pain body is a great explanation for this type of phenomenon. My pain was very real - and so was it's warning "get away from him before he kills you!"

I've been particularly interested in some medical research connecting back pain with anger and resentment. One book out with this theory is Healing Back Pain: Mind-Body Principle by John Sarno. Again, I injured myself on a roller coaster and spent the next several years in chronic pain, taking muscle relaxers and pain pills that were ineffective, addictive and made my brain chronically cloudy.

When I finally realized that the medical community was going to be of no great help to me I started pursuing other approaches that included the mind/body/spirit connection and included lots of forgiveness and letting go (like letting go of anger and resentment about that toxic boyfriend). I also started doing yoga and strength training and buying ergonomic products to help my back.
Today, I am without back pain.

I don't know who to credit this to, but, my favorite favorite analogy about forgiveness is this: Unforgiveness is like ingesting poison and expecting the other person to die.

From A New Earth, "As long as you blame others, you keep feeding the pain body"... "with forgiveness your victim identity disolves, and true power emerges - the power of Presence. Instead of blaming darkness, you bring the light."

I find, the more powerful I feel about my life and the direction it's going, the less pain I experience and the less I feed my pain body.

Now, this probably doesn't contain all the answers to pain, but exploring it, puts us in a more powerful position because we're not relying on the medical community or ineffective medications to heal us.

Awareness of the pain body, Tolle says, is really the antidote to the pain body deeply effecting your life.

My favorite message from last night's webcast is that the present moment is a space of holiness. In no other place can you take action and in no other place can you find God.

Tolle writes, "Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?"

Does the idea of a pain body explain anything in your life? Do you think negativity or physical pain is a symptom of something deeper?

If you missed the webcast of Chapter Four watch it here.

Has it hit anyone else that the Family Medical Leave Act is lacking? Thank God (and Bill Clinton) for it, because prior to the 1990 we got no maternity leave or time off to care for the sick - we just lost our jobs.

I'm one American that thinks can do better. Not only for ourselves, but so our daughters do not have to face the same sucky choices when it's their turn to bear children and their responsibility to care for the sick or dying.

There have currently been 3,600 comments by MomsRising members in support of the FMLA. Please add your comments. The FMLA effects every man, woman and child in America.

If you have ever given birth or cared for a sick child, parent or spouse then you know how vital it is. If you've never done any of those things, then imagine what would happen if someone you love got a terrible illness and needed you by their side. Now face this: FMLA is the only thing between you and unemployment. FMLA is the only thing between you and desperation.

Please take two minutes and follow this link to leave a comment for the Department of Justice. I know there are more than 3,600 of us who have used or needed to use the FMLA. I know more than 3,600 of us hope it's there for us in the future.

Disney's princess tales all attempt to answer one question: What do girls/women want? According to Disney's traditional message to little girls, what women want is to be saved by a prince, fall instantly in love and live happily ever after.

As a woman, and a parent, I've been waiting for Disney to come into the new millennium with a more up-to-date, girl-friendly, version of it's own princess drama. Shrek was great, but it lacked the Disney Magic that makes little girls drool.

Enchanted does question the Disney Princess Culture, kinda. Sorta. Maybe.

The evil stepmother still finds the princess threatening and attempts to do away with her by sending her to New York City "where dreams never come true."

The Princess Giselle, meets a single father, about to become engaged to the exact opposite of a Disney Princess archetype, Nancy. Nancy is a professional single woman, who acknowledges that she's never had much use for Prince Charming, but she is holding out for a decent guy. She's accused of being a secret hopeless romantic underneath her practical exterior by a coworker. The accusation proves true when she gets exhilarated by an uncharacteristic invitation to a ball and nearly swoons over a gift of real flowers instead of the usual e-card.

Our single father, Robert, is a divorce lawyer, who was left by the mother of his child, a daughter for whom, he buys books like Great Women in History instead of the princess book she really wants. Disney pokes a little fun at parents, like myself, who take issue with the Princess Save Me Culture and wish to present our daughters with a more realistic expectation for their futures. They highlight Madam Curie and point out that she died of radiation poisoning - which isn't as much fun or as magical a story as living happily ever after. Touche' Disney. My daughter wholeheartedly agrees. But, is it really more romantic to give up your voice to get a man? Or to fall in love with and change your kidnapper?

"Oh, you can try to withhold Princess Culture all you like," Disney seems to challenge, as they have the six-year-old girl jump out of a taxi and chase down our Princes Giselle as she mistakenly tries to enter a billboard in the shape of a castle. She falls right into the arms of our unprincely hero, Robert. He, of course, agrees to help her, but not to save her, much too his daughter's chagrin. Very much like the disappointment I'm sure my own daughter feels when I tell her to pick a movie other than Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty at the video store.

Princess Giselle behaves as a caricature of her own princess self. Basically, she is full of larger than life false hand movements and emotional twittering and says unbelievably ridiculous things about being saved and the power of true love's kiss. She's incapable of any emotion aside from happiness and joy and goodness. She's naive to the point of being deranged. To its credit Disney dares to poke as much fun as it's own history and creation of the idiotic lunacy of Princess Culture as it pokes at me for being less than charmed by it.

A shift in Princes Giselle occurs when she and her non-prince savior, Robert, set against the backdrop of street theater in Central Park, begin to discuss dating versus falling-in-love-at-first-sight and what happens after happily ever after. Seems our Princess was previously unaware that she might have job after marriage and that might be part of what makes her happy. Or that she might express her thoughts, dreams and desires to her love-at-first sight Prince fiance should he show up to save her.

For his part our non-princess-saving man realizes that it certainly won't kill him to offer up a little romance to show his practical modern-day woman Nancy that he loves her. (No, I think, it certainly won't kill you to go to a little effort. Maybe I'll send this particular YouTube Video to my own modern-day practical man. Hint, hint.)

Giselle experiences anger for the first time when Robert confronts her with the reality that her Prince probably isn't coming and it's time for Plan B. Plan B, in Princess Culture lingo is, I believe, a job or a sense of purpose. Our naive Princess Giselle is seen flipping through Great Women of History with a new interest.

Of course, this is a Disney film so our Prince, like many Princes of Romance Past, does arrive to save our Princess. And our Prince, like many Princes of Romance Past is a completely self-absorbed dope. Cute, but lacking substance. (Who doesn't remember that guy? Luckily, ladies, we skirted that future - by going on a date - before it was too late.)

In light of her own personal awakening our Princess Giselle demands a date before they return to never, never land where she realizes maybe her love-at-first-sight Prince and she don't really have all that much in common. Maybe, she's making a terrible mistake? Maybe she loves the man who doesn't want to save her, but who took the time to ask her what she wanted to be when she grows up? Maybe?

The film takes a detour worth looking at. Giselle decides she needs a ball gown and our six-year-old girl snags Daddy's emergency credit card, with a quip about this being an emergency and the two are seen jaunting around New York on a spending spree. The little girl precociously fills our naive princess in on today's beauty culture. It seems Disney might be juxtaposing the innocence of their own interpretation of girlness with the current hyper-sexualized, appearance-oriented one. Perhaps they are asking, "how is this better?" The answer: "It's not."

Like Disney Princess Films of generations past we end up at . . . A Ball. Where else?

The evil queen comes to do away with our princess to prevent her from taking over her kingdom and Giselle takes a bite of her poisoned apple (Oh, Eve, will you ever learn?).

Of course she's not awakened to our simple-minded self-absorbed pretty boy Prince. She is awakened to our single father divorce lawyer Prince. His date Nancy, who he intended to marry 5 minutes ago, gives him permission to kiss Giselle and she does awaken with the words, "I knew it was you." They make a new modern-day family, the father, nice step-mother and daughter (who got a world full of romance and princessness making her deliriously happy).

Giselle, in a modern-day twist, saves her True Love. Thanks Disney, I've been waiting a long time for that. That is some gender progress.

Which leaves our professional Nancy who realizes she does want to be saved after all and jumps down the rabbit hole/manhole with Prince Charming and Lives Happily Ever After in Andalasia.

In light of yesterday's So Sioux Me story, Princess Culture Examined I had to wonder. Who's interpretation of what women want is this? To answer that I watched the special features on how the magic was made and listened to the interviews with the director, writers, choreographers, sound people, production people etc. I went to the IBMD database and checked the credits of the entire cast and crew.

It was written by a man, directed by a man and produced by men.

Out of 9 listed producers only one, Jill Morris, is a woman. The music is by a man, as is the cinematography, film editing, art direction, production design and special effects. Out of five, two women are given credit for production management. Costume design was done by a woman and one of the two casting credits goes to a woman.

Disney's new updated version of "what women want" is really "men's new interpretation of what women want."

I just have a few questions for Disney: Why is it that you think women aren't capable of telling our own story in your magical universe? Don't you think women might be better witnesses about our own experience and desires than men?

I would love to see the FEMALE interpretation of what women want. I want to see Jane! interpreted by JANE.

Disney, aren't you at all curious to see if you're right?

Send a letter to Disney,  TWDC.Corp.Communications@disney.com, telling them you want more healthy girl images out of their company, which begins with more female involvement in the creative process. 

Apply for a job. If you are creative and have skills in writing, producing, animation or editing and think you can breath some 3 dimensional empowering life into the girl characters of Disney - apply for a job.

If your daughter has talents and interests in animation or film, encourage that. Don't let anyone tell her it's too competitive or it's a male-dominated industry. Tell her she can do it, enroll her in classes, provide the equipment she needs to learn the skills. Tell her we NEED her to do it.